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i’m only a human.
with errors and lack of conscience.
and i’m broken.
bleeding.
wounded.
badly.
so, do you still think of me the way you used to be?
anyway. back to topic. lagi nggak mood ngebahas apa yang terjadi selama tugas gw.
mungkin karena udah mulai ‘terbiasa’ hurt by love, gw jadi nggak terlalu gimana” sekarang. afterall, i’m a loser in such thing. loving without hoping anything hurts. dan gw udah ngerasain hal ini berkali”. sampe eneg juga lama”. entahlah. gw sekarang bingung sendiri dengan apa yang gw rasain. it’s complicated.
i’ve said all my feelings to you,
but you seems didn’t understand.
no, i can’t hold on anymore.
i will fall.
and when i did,
don’t catch me.
just let me fall endlessly.
’cause that’s the way i want it to be.
dedicated to someone out there.
just ignore me, ignore this crap post anyway.
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everything just seems boring lately. yeah. tell me about it. i mean, look at the news. they’re talking about terrorism. criminalities. murders. corruption. and how about the gossip channel? same thing, different package. divorces. marriages. clarifying things. it’s like an endless circle of boredom! geez. and honestly, those things just starts to annoys me. a lot. get a life, will ya? what’s wrong with your brains anyway? can’t you see the world is getting down on it? enuff with the criminalities. why can’t you just sit back, and start doing useful things for humanities sake instead of planting bombs everywhere? and whats with your ego anyway? defending you country is good. holding on to what you’re believing is okay. but do you really have to spread terror, killing peoples just for that? geez. sick.
second.
am i cursed or something on love? i’m almost giving up on love. seriously. or am i just being too dramatic? blimey. i don’t know what to say about this. but all i know, love is not in my dictionary anymore. definitely. i give up. no matter how hard i try, it just went wrong. even when i’m this close to have love again, it just doesn’t work! all i can get is just another pain. go on, stab my heart. give me all the heartbreak. ’cause i’m heartless anyway, rite? i don’t have love anymore. whatever.
third.
i hate to keep pretending in front of everyone. i hate to pretend, everything is okay. but it’s not! okay? it’s just not. i don’t have a normal family, and neither a normal life! i’m all fcuked up! there. happy? funny is, i could give advices, listens, encourage and telling people about how to solve their problems. but i can’t solve mine. very nice.
fourth.
i’m getting very sick of all the angers, hate, rumours and stuff going through my life. what? even in my own family i can’t get a peaceful corner. dammit!
and i just don’t know what to do now.
i just so want to give up. runaway.all i ask, all i need is just love. that’s all. is it so hard to do?
where is the love?
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okay! heads up. beberapa hari ini emang gw seperti neglecting my blog. ouch. sorry. kenapa? tidak lain tidak bukan satu alasan : ujian! aduh. FYI, ujian gw itu dimulai 14/11 sampe 18/11 dan masih berlanjut ke 23/11 and the last one is on 25/11. sucks, eh? i know. sejak 14/11 gw nggak tidur sampe 18/11. literally speaking. call me crazy. call me obsessed with this exams. but hell, i want to score high! game time : how many glass of coffee did i drank for just one day?
bloody hell. i’m addicted! damn. dan sekarang entah kenapa gw mendadak nggak bisa tidur lagi. ergh. i must be either very crazy or going out of my mind.
untungnya ujian gw berjalan lancar dari 14/11 sampe 17/11. yeah. operating system was good. computer graphic (15/11) was excellent, except i kinda missed some details there. and languange & automation theory (16/11)? was okay! research methodology (17/11) just doing great. but not for web programming (18/11). it sucks. gw salah belajar! sumpah mampus bete banget. dapet kisi” mengenai PHP & ASP. ternyata… suprise! semuanya keluar java programming. alhasil dengan suksesnya gw ngarang bebas. damn. untungnya nggak terlalu kesel” banget. karena sorenya (ergh. lebih tepat malemnya) gw nonton Harry Potter with my friends @ TA! and i swear i didn’t blink watched it! damn freakin’ cool! yay! *grins* yang bikin agak bete sih gara” tempat duduknya kepisah”. penuh banget! dari yang rencana mau nonton jem 7 akhirnya pindah ke jem 8. untungnya ada 2 studio. but it was fun, alrite =D
okeh. itu tadi mengenai exams gw. yang nanti akan gw lanjutkan tanggal 23/11. so… i have a spare time to relax, have fun and get some rest =)
speaking of having fun…
hari sabtu kemaren gw ke EX. itu juga agak” mendadak sih. first, gw udah excited banget. pas mau pergi masih okay. gw ngambil jalan senayan karena takut kena macet di grogol. but… ajebuset. pas nyampe stadion senayan, mendadak macet. and guess what? persija. rusuh. i was like, oh. my. god. what the hell was i thinking taking this route? dammit. sampe di depan hotel mulia, banyak banget bus” kota. udah bener” orange abis itu jalanan. plus batu. tanaman. pot. tanah. kaca. botol”. ergh. definitely a view you don’t wanna look. and i’m scared to death. mau puter balik juga udah nanggung. bisa” malah kena. modal nekat, gw terusin jalan. and in the middle of the road, banyak banget mobil” yang di-stop-in sama pendukung persija. whoa. FYI, sepanjang jalan gw ga brenti”nya komat kamit berdoa. damn i’m freaked out! untungnya nggak kenapa” dan sampe di EX dengan okay. huff.
enuff with the scary thinge. now let’s talk about my teeth that aching like hell since 18/11! damn. pertama gw kira cuma sariawan biasa. and then, suddenly mendadak gigi geraham belakang atas dan bawah gw sakit. gatel. cenat cenut. mau tau rasanya? sampe ke ubun”. dammit. now? still. sekarang kayaknya gw tau penyebabnya. gigi geraham bawah gw yang paling bungsu bakal numbuh. sariawan? masih. sakit gigi? yeap. dan sekarang nambah baru : gusi di gigi geraham bungsu ituh mendadak berasa aneh. arghhhhhhhh!!! gw bisa gila lama” kayak gini. damn. menderita banget! mau makan salah. minum pun sakit. gosok gigi nggak bisa bener. aduh. buruan deh numbuh. please. i beg you.
oh. udah mau jem 3. great. somehow, i really” gotta get some sleep!
laterz.
.spoketheunspoken. 